Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Hi guys a little buzzed on pain meds tonight but when they wear off in the middle of the night it sucks. I am looking forward to seeing long time friends for lunch tomorrow I also want to drive again so bad I feel so restricted and almost caged. Dependency sucks but thank god for Mom which I've said before she is making it as easy as she possibly can and I am grateful. I try not to wake her in the night but it is really lonely right now. Fear is much worse alone at night so I think I will play online for a while. My poker show is over and nothing on T.V.. I really need a hug right now so I will settle for a virtual one from my friends that are up. Thank G-d for facebook. I can't wait to get these darn drains out of my chest and feel somewhat whole again. I just have to say Mom has been a soldier in this for me and I can never repay her enough for how she took control of my health and my psyche she is mmy rock. I also always said I was not that close to my sister but I was wrong, yes we are very different but man I never knew how much we mean to each other I could never have go through this without her! I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart Liz you are my gift I never knew I had. Your words are like water or food to me essential in living! thank you ! And Dad I can't describe how this family would not exist without your unconditional love and support I just never knew how lucky I am and I am sorry it took this to open my eyes. Ironic I am an optician who has been blind for a long time! I love you all not that that even comes close to the gratitude I just don't have words for! we are truly in this together thank you thank you thank you!
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Your words feel like they have been taken right out of my mouth. Being a twin has never felt any more special to me until right now at these crossroads in our lives. The blindness went through us all but look at us now baby. We are the strongest unit I have ever seen. We will never be "Normal" compared to others but wow we are "US" and I wouldn't change that for anything. I feel your pain although mine is bad you are selfless enough to understand me and believe me more than anyone else in the world. I wish this didn't happen to you and I wish more that I could be there for you without the daily torture I am going through as silently as possible not to take away from your every minute struggle. With all you are going through your compassion for me right now was sooooo unbelievable to me and for that I can't thank you enough. I have no right to complain. I hope next week I will feel relief and then I will start my journey holding hands througout the way and use my strenght for you. Nothing hurt me more than having be a bystander laying in my bed and not being able to be with you every second. God gave us a 1-2 punch but I think it was to let us know how much we really need one another for big or small for better of for worse he made us one and separated us into 2 for a reason. You are my other half and I will be there right next to you from womb to eternity. I love and admire you my soul sista!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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