Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A week away

Next Tuesday is the day new boobs sound good but scares me as well. I hope they turn out well and I hope it doesn't hurt too much. I am feeling so weird about this surgery for some reason I can't figure it out. On one hand I am excited about having the permanent implants hopefully they will look and feel better than the tissue expanders but I am always nevous about going under the knife and even just being in the hospital again. Soon I will blog about what I have actually gone through the last few weeks because it was so scary that its hard right now to blog about it. I missed the entire blizzard because I was in the hospital but that was a nightmare for my family. My husband and kids stayed at a hotel for 3 nights the power was out for 4 days and my Mom was stuck snowed in with no internet or phone other than her cell phone. I have this lump on my hip that I am hoping will not cause a problem with my surgeon doing the surgery again it has become painful and hot and red it seems to get inflamed every few weeks. I just want the to get the surgery over with though so I won't mention it to the plastic surgeon and hopefully she will still do it for me. I just cant wait to be on the other side of this so I can move foreward. I feel like my life has been stuck in a holding pattern and I want to scream out of frustration. I can't start radiation therapy until I heal from this surgery so lets all just pray it goes well and we can start the next chapter. My hair is growing back and It looks so thin I hope it starts coming in thicker and faster I'm getting tired of wigs and hats but my eyebrows are almost all the way back boy I never realized how much I love my eyebrows and eyelashes it makes me look and feel more normal thank God. I will keep you all posted on my progress thanks for caring everyone.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Getting closer to my new boobs but nerves kicking in

I know its been a long while since I've  posted a new blog but I have been going through some stuff that was pretty awful and caused somewhat by stress so I did not want to bring it up I was affraid. I really never felt more like I was dying than I have the last 6 weeks but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had something called conversion disorder which in short is a physical manifestation of stress. My body was shaking and jerking like I had Parkinsons diseas or cerebral palsy or epilepsy or a combination of all of this. My poor mother was by my side at the worst of it and we both thought I was a goner for sure. The doctors thought maybe the cancer went to my brain but once the tests all came back negative (thank god) they thought it was a combination of a reaction to medications I was on and stress. Once they put me on the new medications and changed them all pretty much It started to get somewhat better. Thank God I am doing much better now but I have litterally been in the hospital more than out in the last six weeks and I am glad to be at Mom's again. My outlook is different now to I cannot and will not let stress get me to that place ever again. I never knew how much the mind can do to the body. I must stay strong for my family. My hair is coming back and its so soft and I feel somewhat like a living chia-pet lol but my eyebrows and head hair are starting to come back really fast I cant wait till it really comes in enough so that I dont have to wear a wig anymore. I am hopefull that I will be able to go to a camp reunion in NYC on April 10th and especially to Buffalo for another reunion for college on April 30th. I have a lot to look forward to I just have to get stron enough to go. I am also starting to maintain some weight so I am not losing anymore and even put on a few pounds I went from 99lbs at my lowest to now about 106 so lets hope I can keep it up. My surgery for the exchange of the tissue expanders to my permanent silicone implants is on March 30th I cant wait but I am anxious about going under the knife again. I totally trust my doctor and obviously Memorial Sloan Kettering is the best hospital so I am in good hands. I will keep everybody posted so I will hopefully be blogging again now that the firestorm of heath issues is over.