Today I am at home for the first time since my surgery. It is both comforting and scary at the same time. I am so well taken care of by my mom at her home and I can't help but feeling the child mother bond which is incredible. I have only been a mom for almost seven years now and it is so incredibly rewarding but selfishly I am enjoying being the baby again. Now comes the guilt for not being here for my own children. I realize they have about the best father in the whole world caring for them so well in my absence but I can't help feeling the way I feel. After all I am jewish. LOL we do guilt well. Anyway I will spend time with them this weekend and try to forget about the looming reality about to hit me on Monday. I can't seem to enjoy being here as much as I thought I would but as things become clearer and action gets taken I think I will be able to enjoy these things again. I am counting the moments minute by minute until Monday and life will never be the same again for better or worse I am O.K with this. I think I am starting to accept my new reality. Life is still good and I have a lot to do so see yall later!