Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ok been through the ringer a little the last few day but I'm back. I was petrified to go to my first chemotherapy on Monday. I sat there with the nurse holding three large syringes filled with red liquid after poking me three times to get a good vein because if she missed this liquid could destroy my flesh if it gets out of my vein. I had a hematoma on my hand from the first try and it was killing me. Now the nurse tells me she must go through all the possible side effects that could possibly happen to me including the rare ones. Reminded me of the commercials you hear for medications on T.V. except in regular speed. As she is about to start the infusion I said to her I was afraid because I know its poison going into my veins and she just looked at me and said or its medicine going into your veins and then I realized its all how you look at things. She was right I was ready now. She told me this medicine would get into every cell of my body and screw with its DNA making it difficult for the cancer to get away. Suddenly I felt so comforted in the fact that I could be and would be cured. The next day I had to go back to the hospital to get a 3000 dollar shot that will cause my body to create white blood cells this shot can cause pain in my bones because it effects my bone marrow. Just because I don't have enough pain to deal with what's one more. LOL

The last few days since Monday I have never slept so much in my life. In between sleeping I was feeling nausea and just horrible upset stomach like I have never felt before. The cocktail of medications that I take to help combat this is just odd. I am literally shoving 8 or more pills in my mouth at any given time. I must say the only thing that made me feel better was something that I cant understand why NYS wont legalize and that is the medicinal use of marijuana. I can't even begin to tell you that the difference is like night and day. I don't know about you but nausea is about the worst feeling in the world for me I can function being sick with almost anything else but not that. Within minutes of smoking not only was I not sick anymore I was hungry which is another problem I've been having. Keeping weight on is a struggle for me without chemotherapy now It is impossible without the help of MJ. But as usual I have my mom there doing everything for me but taking the actual drugs. She is like a gift from G-d I couldn't do this without her. The pain in my chest I think is from that shot that they gave me so I will medicate myself again and see ya all later!

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