Hi guys just been celebrating my life a little for the last few days having some fun in Atlantic City with my sister. I am scared to start chemotherapy this morning but in a way I think it will help calm me down because the unknown is making me crazy. I feel like once we get started and I know what I'm up against I will feel more in control. I pray that G-d gives me the strength to get through this ordeal and end up stronger for it. I want to surprise myself with my strength because right now I'm Terrified. I just keep thinking as bad as It gets It could always be worse. My faith feels like it comes and goes on the moments when I'm afraid I try to visualize G-d holding me like a baby in his arms and comforting me and it seems to help for the moment but it goes away too fast. I just want to cry please just help me I want this to all go away its not fair. But then I realize life is not fair and I realize it's me and I'm lucky it's me. I can do this and it could have just as easily been one of my kids and that would be a lot worse so thank you G-d for giving me this challenge that I can handle. I will do whatever the doctors say and pray for the best. G-d help me to get through this and I will be a better person for it!