Fear and Pain 2 things I swore wouldn't control my life after finding out about my breast cancer and here I am at 12:30 pm not able to sleep because of them. Sometimes I just want out and I haven't even begun yet. I am in pain, I am nauseous and my arm feels really funny. I hope its not permanently messed up because of the node removal. I am petrified of the pathology results but I just don't want to be negative. I can't help it though. I feel like shit and I don't want to pretend anymore.