Saturday, October 17, 2009

Here I am again up in the wee hours just can't stop thinking. My mind just goes crazy and I can't sleep. I am definitely learning to live with my new reality but it is truly the hardest thing I've ever done. I am afraid of treatment and I am anxious about when and what and how. I have so many unanswered questions and it makes normalcy difficult at best. Almost every time I turn on the T.V. I am reminded of my affliction because of Breast Cancer Awareness Month which is a wonderful thing but is making it hard to forget for any amount of time about it. I keep needing to remind myself this is just a hurdle in my life it is not a death sentence anymore. My breasts are still in pain almost all the time which is another reminder of my ordeal. I hope that it gets better soon and I'm sure it will but life now is very hard. I miss feeling normal. My mind is strong at times and weak at others it is constantly a struggle. I am trying hard though to stay positive and be strong. I hugged my daughter tonight and it just felt so good I wanted to cry. I want to be here for her for all of her needs and I am angry that Cancer could take that away from us both. She deserves to have a Mom in her life for every bit of her growing up and its just not fair that she has to have this fear and has to deal with this illness. I know that she is strong and we will get through this with love and faith but it still doesn't make it fair. We as a family are survivors and I feel like we are an army of friends and family fighting together to beat this thing right out of our lives and we will.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Nicole. I finally figured out how to follow you on here...well, you know I'm slow! I can't believe I actually have a few minutes to myself; I haven't been able to follow your posts as much as I have wanted to. I hope you have a great day today. It's sunny here in Ohio and I hope it is where you are, too.