Today I woke up feeling like I have a cold or sinus infection so as ordered I called my doctor to find out what I should do. I need to be healthy in order to get my next chemotherapy treatment on Monday. She asked me to come in to check my blood count and once again Mom and I schlep into Westchester to see my oncologist at the hospital. The bloodwork came back showing that I am very anemic and might need a blood transfusion shortly and my white cell count is a little on the low side so the doctor gave me an rx for antibiotics and sent me home. Now this would be fine but yet again with my immunity down I cannot go home to be with my kids this weekend and it is just so unfair. More for them than me, don't get me wrong I miss them so much it hurts but my kids need their mom and I cannot be there again it makes me crazy! My next door neighbors daughter has the swine flu, my son has croop and my daughters school is full of sick kids out for one reason or another. I know when this is all over things will go back to normal and I will be home yelling at them to get dressed or to be quiet and stop fighting but right now that sounds like a fairy tale to me I just miss them so much. I feel like my life consists of only doctors, medications, sickness and sadness. This 4 months is just getting me down. I don't mean to complain a lot of people have it a lot worse than me but I just can't help it sometimes. Please God give me strength and comfort my kids in my absents.