Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Baldness at last!

It has been a few days since my last post and I have so much going on its making my head spin. I went home this past weekend to be with my family and it was wonderful to sleep in my own bed in my own home with my incredible kids but coming back to Mom's is tough. It is almost worse going home because it just makes me realize how wrong things in my life are right now. I am so jealous of people who just look as if life is great and I know its wrong of me but I just can't help it as I walk by someone in a mall or anywhere I look at them and think wow how life should be, shopping with the kids or going to open school night or just tucking my kids in bed at night. It somehow hurts and there I am again feeling guilty for being jealous. My sister and I spent the day together yesterday and that was really nice. I was feeling better thank god from chemo last week and we ran some errand and just hung out. Last night my head was driving me crazy the hair that I had left was cut very short and felt like little needles poking me in the head all the time. The hair was also flying off my head everywhere. It was all over my pillow in my eyes in my mouth it was just unbelievably irritating. It was also very patchy and I felt somewhat like Bozo the clown (no offense to Bozo). So I finally got crazy and we went to the beauty supply store and the beautician in the back said she would buzz all my hair off for me and she wouldn't charge me anything. I was shocked at her kindness but took her up on the offer immediately. She worked on getting all my hair off with the buzz clippers but it was tough to get it down all the way to the skin. She then said lets wash it to try to scrub off whatever hair is already coming off soon but still in. She then put my head in the sink warmed up the water and began to scrub my head, It felt so good I almost fell asleep it was just the most amazing feeling after a week of nothing but bad feelings. I went to give her a tip when she was done and she gave me a hug and said please just get better don't give me anything. I almost started to cry I was so appreciative of her kindness but it still amazes me that strangers can be so generous. When we got to dinner my mom, dad and sisters kids were there waiting for us. We had a great dinner and I actually think I ate more food than I have in about a month. I did notice that my head was still really bothering me the hair still felt like needles so I was starting to really get bothered. When Liz and I got to her house after dinner she decided we were going to lather up with shaving cream and get a shiny new razor and shave my head completely.We stood in her bathroom and I was petrified that she was going to cut my head or I would end up with pieces of toilette paper stuck all over my bald bony head. She actually did a great job and we actually got a lot of laughs out of it. I have to thank her for being the most caring loving sister in the world right now and I am very lucky to have her. When she finished my head was shining like the Empire state building and felt like a baby's ass. The transformation is complete I now officially look like a cancer patient. I will get through this and hopefully have some peach fuzz by the spring.


  1. Well, after all that has gone on you must be at the lowest point in your journey. Once you hair has come out, the road begins to get better. Every week now will reveal new and wonderful realizations for you. There is no experience that we go through in life that we do not learn and grow from. Your strength will get you through the next weeks. Your heart will gain strength and you will might just get to see human nature in its most beautiful splendor. Keep your eyes and heart open and let yourself engage in an experence like no other...for better or for worse...you will decide as your days unfold before you. My prayers are with you. I know how difficult this must be for you.

  2. Thank You and I am hoping that god continues to bless me with the open heart and mind I have discovered from this journey so far. I will get through this and most certainly learn from it. Life is both good and bad for me right now it is actually a great mix I am very lucky I have a lot of great things in my life to offset the bad. Thank you for your prayers they mean everything to me.

  3. You have really been through it! But isn't it the strangest thing that you should be hearing from someone who was friends with your mom about one hundred years ago....where would we be without FACEBOOK?
    I guess the best thing that you have on your side is a very strong and supportive family. It sounds like you are a strong woman yourself and will certainly win this tournament too! Your family will be by your side throughout and you can know too that even people you don't know yourself are praying for you.
    I will follow your blog and pray for you the entire time.
    Barbara - your mom's OLD friend