Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Rough Times

This is torture everything about this is torture. I feel as sick as I've ever felt in my life, my kids and my family are suffering and I have absolutely no money. Not that I'm complaining but dam it I just want to scream at someone really loud but I just don't even have the energy to do that. I spent 4 hours in the hospital yesterday getting my third round of chemotherapy and it was really bad right away. Immediately I began to feel nauseated and the nurse told me there is a cumulative effect to chemotherapy that its building up in my system and the effects could get worse with each treatment. I am almost at my breaking point. Today I had to go back to the hospital to get my shot that helps my body make white blood cells but kills my bones so just incase nausea isn't enough now my chest feels like I have a hatchet in it. Tomorrow I go back to the hospital for two hours of hydration and for them to check my blood for anemia and how bad that has gotten. If it gets much worse I will need a blood transfusion. The insurance company can kiss my ass as well every damn prescription I get has a 25 to 50 dollar copay and its ridiculous I have paid 200 bucks this week alone on medications. I am trying so hard to stay positive but I am emotionally a physically and economically spent. I am looking forward to my trip to L.A. next week though, so I will try to keep my eye on the prize and keep moving ahead. I am sorry if this bothers people who care about me but its just how I am feeling at this moment.


  1. Nikki, I played poker with you at a bad beat event, You really touched my heart, and I am not sure how I can help.
    I am a small organic skin care company and it would be my pleasure to send you some product. A change, a soothing bath, or just something to pamper yourself.
    I do not know how to get in touch with you, here is my email..


  2. some cliches make sense. I don't know "if it doesn't kill you, it will make your stronger" makes any sense at all. Nicole, what you are going thru is a horror. end of story! Insurance companies suck, Doctors suck, and Cancer sucks most of all! If you were indigent, you would get all of this for free, but because we are working class, we pay for everyone else. and now, on top of this, they want to let my kid out of the hospital without being medicated, cause shes acting "fine". I don't think being missing for three days and spending over 600 dollars, and not going to school is fine! Its killing, literally, killing my Mom. My Mom doesn't want her living here, and Carly won't come back to Florida with me. She may have to go live in a shelter. I meet with the Psychiatrist at 230 today. I want you to keep strong and get better. God will provide a way when there is no way. sometimes we just have to sit still, clear our minds and listen for His voice. We love you, pray for you every moment!