Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The story continues with G-d showing me what is really important in life in a matter of days. . After my diagnosis of breast cancer and my recovery of the shock that this brought to my otherwise difficult life at the moment it seemed to bring things into perspective for me which in itself is a gift. I have to go back though to the week or 2 before this diagnosis to give you an idea about how life can change on a dime. It all started when my car which we realized was not worth what we actually owed on it started to act up and needed necessary work done that cost more than we could afford at the time. I called my Dad who told me not to worry about it just to get the work done and he would take care of it. This is a difficult thing for me because my husband and myself work very hard to try and provide for our family and it is always a difficult thing as and adult to ask for help. My father thank God has always been there for us when the chips are down and again he not only payed to have 1300 bucks worth of work done on my car he also let me use his car for the 2 weeks he was in Florida so I wouldn't be without a car. His only rule was no food in the back of the car for my kids because God love them but they are not very neat when it comes to eating in the back seats. Anyway during this week it started with me cutting my finger pretty bad and spending the night in the emergency room which wasn't so horrible just annoying and then the next thing was my dog who is only a year old but 140 lb ball of love came down with Lyme disease which was heartbreaking and totally expensive. It cost us about 400 dollars which we really didn't have but had to come up with somehow. Thank god the dog did well with antibiotics and rest. While I had the dog at the vet I had pulled into a handicap parking spot because I do have residual permanent injuries due to my car accident in 2004 so I have a valid handicap permit. This spot though was the first spot in the row and for some unknown reason the spot had a pole with a sign on it in the blind spot on my left side. I proceeded to back out of this spot and cut the wheel to turn. Next thing I knew I felt a crunch and loud crash at the front left tire area of my fathers car. I sat there in complete disbelief I never saw that pole for one second and was shocked as to where it came from. I panicked, the first thing I thought was Oh God my fathers rule was no eating in the back and now I just crashed it into a pole he is going to kill me! The guilt was overwhelming and now I had to tell him what had happened. The damage was pretty bad yellow paint on the whole front left quarter panel, crunched in bumper over the tire, paint gone it was ugly. As my husband calmed me down and then he called my father and he just took it in stride. His words were baby don't worry its just a car don't even cry one more tear it is just a car its O.K.. The next day I was to go for a needle biopsy on these lumps in my breast and it was supposed to be an easy test no big deal and the doctor who did my mammography and ultrasound had already told me he was sure it was nothing. My mammography according to him was clean and not suspicious at all. Well after a 20 minute procedure went for 45 minutes and the supposed painless procedure made my head spin with unbelievable pain I left there with a horrible feeling in my gut and in pain. The good news is I got my car back so I didn't have to worry about driving Dads anymore. After I got done at the doctor I was physically and emotionally exhausted but realized I needed to get gas. I couldn't decide wether I should go home take some advil and go to bed, or just get gas now to get it over with so I don't have to later. I chose to just get the gas now. I pulled into Hess and pulled up to the first pump which had a plastic bag over the handle saying out of order so instinctively I just pulled up to the next pump. I was in pain and very concerned about my biopsy now and was not paying attention as I pumped the gas into my car. Next thing I know I noticed the price of this gas was different and took a better look at the pump. OMG this is not gas its diesel! I just pumped 10 gallons of diesel into my gas tank I panicked. I pulled my car into the spot at the gas station and cried so hard I think It flooded the front seat. I called my husband who came immediately to help but there was nothing we could do but tow the car away and once again use my fathers generosity to help pay for the ridiculous bad luck I had had. As I sat there for a moment I briefly considered doing something stupid like running away or jumping off a bridge life just seemed to be unfair and self pity was just to light to describe what I was feeling I was inconsolable. I felt about as bad as I had ever felt in my life it almost felt like I didn't want to go on. The next morning I got the call that changed my life. The Nurse practitioner called with the news I had worst feared. I had breast cancer! Suddenly I went from not wanting to go on because of this week from hell to I don't want to die. In an instant I was transformed into a person fighting for the life that yesterday seemed so horrible that maybe I'd be better off dead. My perspective changed forever. This was a gift believe it or not. God had taught me a lesson I will never take for granted one moment of this life again. Nothing and I mean nothing else mattered, money, cars, fingers, work problems, nothing it just didn't matter anymore. Thank you god for this lesson it has taught me how to live. I will fight for my life with the help of my friends and family like a warrior but mostly I will appreciate each day with a new outlook. And so it has been the most profound experience of my life and I got it now I got the point. So when you have a bad day or tough economic times hit just remember it could always be worse nothing means anything without your health and the love of your family and friends.

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