Sunday, November 22, 2009

Having my fears but not letting them take over!

My fears are starting to make my mind go a little off the rails today. I have chemotherapy tomorrow and I am really anxious. My doctor also told me that I might need a blood transfusion really soon because I am very anemic. I am trying so hard to stay positive but its really hard. I know I have a lot to be thankful for but I am starting to get that familiar why me feeling again. Please god give me the strength to get through this next week and then I only have one more of the rough chemo to go. I am looking so forward to being finished with this but the next chemo has other side effects that scare me. I don't do well with the unknown but I will get through it and hopefully it will calm my fears. The great things that are happening in my life right now are what keeps the fears from taking over. I am going to L.A. on December 3rd for the taping of the Pokerstars Million Dollar Challenge and I am so excited I can't even believe how lucky I am. I will get to meet some of my Idols like Daniel Negreanu and Vanessa Rousso (they are Poker Pros for you non poker people). I feel sometimes like I am in a fairy tale and sometimes like I am in a nightmare and what's funny is I sometimes feel like this at the same time. Weird. I can't wait to see my kids my husband is on his way to get me and we will spend the afternoon together which will give me strength to go tomorrow. The love of my family and friends are my greatest strength and I will use it to kick cancer ass this week.

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