Saturday, September 19, 2009

Today I will spend the day with family and friends for the New Year. I am excited to see them for the first time in my new reality. It's weird because I don't want sympathy I want to feel normal but at the same time I want to scream as loud as I can at the top of a mountain "I have Cancer" help me tell me I will be ok like when I was a little girl and my Mommy or Daddy told me I'll grow up get married have babies and live happily ever after. The problem here is they are saying I will be OK but I'ts just hard to actually believe it now. Remember when Daddy said I was the most beautiful girl in the world and I believed him. I want that back! I am hoping that my newfound faith in god will make me feel that way again and anything is possible, Right? I will be strong. At times though I will need to get up on that mountain and scream what I want to say and then I will say this instead, I will be strong for my family and myself and I will get through this one day at a time god willing!

5 comments:

  1. I can't figure out how to fix my clock on this thing so just know the time is wrong on all my posts

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  3. I figured it out YEAH the time was set to pacific time zone. I figured out how to fix it and now its right.

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  4. Happy new year Nicole. As I read you blog day by day, I pray for you and the challenges that you are facing for that day. I pray today that your hope would be strong and renewed as we start this new year. My prayer tonight is that as you go to sleep, that the presence of our Creator would be with you. That you would feel the Love of God surround you like a warm blanket on a cool evening. And I pray that this hope would fill the hearts of your whole family, giving them strength as you get through this together. The hope is that God is good...he loves you with all of His heart...and He will get you through this! Much love Nicole!!!
    Michelle

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  5. Thank you Michelle you brought tears to my eyes because I can't believe how much compassion you have in your heart for me after so many years. It is truly a miracle to have such a wonderful family and anyone who could pray for me so unselfishly like you is family to me. So just know my faith has to be strong because of you and yours. You give me hope and it's tough right now only to get tougher but I feel that love of god in my soul and I know he is speaking to me almost in plain english its amazing. But it does wain at times I hope my faith continues to grow it's all I have that I feel will help. If I don't have bind faith I have nothing. No matter what happens to me I will be loved and cared for like a naughty child.

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