I tried

Well today I have tried to make a good day of it but it just didn't seem to work. I went to work and was busy but I felt myself getting angrier and angrier as the day went on. Little things seemed to irritate the heck out of me. I know I am supposed to stay positive but It's really hard to keep trying to trick you mind into believing that cancer is a positive thing in my life. Again I will keep trying but as time goes on and I realize my life is forever changed, my reality is a new fearful reality I am starting to feel sadness as well. My head is filled with thoughts of going through this torture of waiting for test results and pathologies and scans and praying that one little cancer cell hasn't gotten into that area that I feel a pain in, for the rest of my life. I know from now on I will never have that comfort of ignorance of not knowing I have or hopefully (had soon), cancer. It's funny because god never promises you tomorrow but you just don't think about it until your mortality hits you in the face! Ignorance is bliss