Friday, September 25, 2009

I am home from Atlantic City with a renewed sense of hope and faith. The kindness of virtual strangers amazes me. I also feel I made some forever friends at The Borgata and out of a group of women who played poker with me in the Ladies event and the men who work there mostly in the media. I did what I wanted to and got my mind off of cancer for a few days doing what I love to do, playing poker.

I remember when I was a little girl and I thought to myself, how old will I be in the year 2000, which seemed like a million years in the future. I figured out I would be 30, then I thought to myself wow when I'm 30 years old I won't be afraid anymore. My fears included, things under my bed, going downstairs alone, the boogyman etc.. What I realize now is that you don't lose your fears they just get replaced by other ones. Fear is not a bad thing though it makes us not do things that we shouldn't do and it makes us appreciate the time we are not afraid. If I can learn to live like a child again and enjoy life even though I have a lot of fears this will be the best gift I have ever had. Weird but true. The last 10 years of my life have been wasted on the adult version of the boogyman which only existed in my mind. I now have the opportunity to be free from bondage and just be alive for as long as God lets me. Thank you God!

1 comment:

  1. Well said Nicole!!! I think this is one of Gods miracles, to take something terrible, that is trying to mess with your body, heart, mind spirit, and use it to catapult you do a depth of a appreciation of life, that you could never have imagined. I am inspired by your strength and your transparency!!
    Much love !!!!!
    your cous,