It's morning already sleep is something I can only do now with some help from my little friend Xanax. When it wears off I am up even if its only been a few hours since I took it. My fears are kept in check with it and If ever a moment in my life to use these kinds of drugs now is the time. I am still not going to use them during the day I will live with my fear and be able to fully participate in my life. God doesn't promise tomorrow so I want to be able to smell the roses today! Today is my second sonogram to determine if I have cancer in my other (left) breast and my first time going to Memorial Sloan Kettering hospital. I am both nervous and excited to be actually doing something besides waiting. Reality is starting to hit me in the face but I guess I should have expected that. LOL. I will once again lean on my family to take me to the hospital and schlep me into NYC and give me the moral support I need. Thank you god for them. (Lord knows I have complained about them in the past) but joking aside I am so lucky to be gifted the family that I have!