I am finding it harder and harder to take my mind off the impending pain and suffering I will be going through and the fear of the unknown. I find myself asking anyone who knows anyone with cancer to tell me what chemotherapy feels like and when the normalcy comes back in life. I know these questions can't possibly be answered but I keep asking them anyway for some reason. I feel like I'm a bottomless pit of my need for reassurance. It is truly a strange feeling to go through the motions of life with this feeling of everything is not O.K. but everybody including myself is acting as if it is. I have to keep telling myself god understands how I feel because nobody else can and that is the only way I am not alone in this. I am going to Temple tonight for Yom Kippur and I hope that It can give me some peace of mind. I will keep praying and asking everyone I know to pray for me and hopefully the message will get there. Faith is a funny thing it comes and goes the key is keeping it for longer and longer and folks I'm trying hard!