Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years Eve

I am hoping for peace in the new year for me and for my family. Life is not easy but I am really in a strange place in my head. On one hand I now have a plan medically and I feel good about it on the other hand I am starting to realize that treatment is going to be rougher than I thought. I am having severe hot flashes like I am in memepause, my bones hurt really bad, my mouth is numb and I don't really taste anything from thrush. I am now paranoid about germs because if I get an infection of any kind it can land me in the hospital again which in itself scares the hell out of me because of all the germs there. I have a lot to look forward to though so I am trying to keep my mind on other things like poker which I play now mostly to just have fun which is a difficult task because of the misery that is my life right now. My goal is to get to the light at the end of the tunnel any way I can and make each day as positive an experience as I can. I want to get to the other side and start to live my wonderful life again. This new year means so much to me right now more than ever. Tonight is the 10 year anniversary of the night Tommy and I got engaged. Who would have thought ten years ago that our lives would have given us 2 wonderful kids and a home we love we are so lucky and blessed in life I can't really complain. I just want to be here to see the miracles of our lives for a long long time. I do feel for women now who are going through change of life I used to laugh and blow it off as if it was nothing but now I understand. My nights are filled with soaking wet sheets and blankets and my days are also going through periods of either freezing to death or sweating like a basketball player. Even my bald head gets sweaty its not that funny anymore so I am sorry for making fun of my mom all these years.

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