Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Starting Radiation jitters

I was supposed to go for my first radiation treatment tomorrow but the office called to say we have to do my dry run tomorrow instead of today and start the actual treatment on Monday. I am both nervous and happy to be starting the last phase of treatment. I am hoping to be in the majority this time with little or no side effects. My family and I went to Buffalo and Niagara Falls this passed weekend and it was a great distraction for me. First was my 19 year college reunion which was so much fun but so strange at the same time. I felt like I was in a time warp where I was at my college in the college bars that we would hang out in but I felt like we were there with my parents age friends. Not that everyone looked old but we all look 40 which was the exact age of my parents when I was in college. It was a great time and I loved seeing all the people I haven't seen in 20 years. It seemed as I looked around I did feel different I felt like look at this I have cancer and life just goes on anyway I feel guilty for even saying that out loud but it is how I felt. I know logically that life does go on but I also feel like I wear a badge and that that badge is cancer which made me wear a wig which made me tired which made it impossible to drink and have the same good time as everyone else there. I did drink a little and I did have a good time I just wish I was finished with all my treatments and completely healthy. Anyway we ended up doing the tourist thing and going to Niagara Falls and doing a guided tour which was amazing. We went on this boat that goes almost all the way in to the mouth of the falls and me my husband, my niece and my kids had a blast but it was a little scary. The boat was rocking and rolling and we were getting so aked by the mist and waves made by the falls. We took a ton of pictures which I am happy about hopefully my kids can remember this trip forever. I needed to go some of the way by wheelchair though because I am still anemic and my strength is still not up to where I could do this without any help. My husband and my niece pushed me and that was nice otherwise I would have had to stay on the bus. I am so luck to have the family support that I do and I will never forget that it is what propells me through this. I am curious to see how this dry run for radiation goes tomorrow and talk to my handsome doctor about my treatment again. I am sure all my questions will be answere and It won't be as scary as it seems right now I will just keep praying for the best and hope that gods hands will guide the doctors into curing me so I can go to my 25 college reunion feeling great!

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