Today was the dry run for radiation

Today I went for the dry run for my radiation and let me tell you it felt as if I was abducted by aliens and was studied and maneuvered and just felt like a guinie pig. I know I have to do this but the thought of it scares me as well because I know radiation can be damaging in and of itself. I am afraid of the side effects also but I know they will not be nearly what chemotherapy was so I keep reassuring myself on that one. I look forward to the day I am truly cancer free and also free to live my life. I wish I felt a little stronger for me and for my kids I feel like I am pushing myself to just get up and out of bed every day. I think I am depressed a little. I guess that is to be expected under the circumstances. Thank god for my husband he takes care of me and my kids from laundry to cooking to cleaning and more. All the guilt that I have cant be good for me but this is the way it is right now hopefully someday soon I will be back to myself and be able to do mor without getting wiped out. I am sitting next to my son who is singing somewhere over the rainbow and I am kvelling at the cuteness of him right now. Its funny how kids are so resilient he barely notices anything different about me or whats going on in our world.