Mothers Day

Tomorrow is Mothers Day and I am excited about it yet looming over my head is silly things like is this the last Mothers Day for me, are my kids going to go through life without a mother and hurt like hell every year on this day. It's hard to keep these thoughts away they just are relentless making every holiday and basically every day at one moment or another a nightmare. I really want to stay positive all the time I just can't seem to do it as hard as I try. My faith comes and goes and I feel sometimes like I am the only one in the world who feels this way right now even though logically I realize thats not true. Today is a why me day I guess. Maybe tomorrow will be better I hope so. I don't know which is worse the physical or mental pain of this thing I am going through. Well lets see how radiation goes. I look forward to going back to Mom's house for a little while. It will be nice to go back for 5 weeks. It will be a happy Mothers Day.