Gratitude

Well kids go back to school tomorrow and I go back to Mom's house reality sucks a little right now. Good news is I only have 3 more chemotherapy sessions left and then hopefully I get to come home for good. My life is pretty boring right now so not to much to blog about but thats a good thing considering. I know life will never be totally normal again but I can see how it's going to be better as time goes by. It is getting easier and thank god I am feeling better. I do have a weird fear though of the swine flu which I'm sure a lot of people have but the more I get back to life the more chance I have of being exposed. I hope this vaccine is not just fooling me into being more reckless with exposure and that it really works. Staying at Moms house is getting old not that I don't love being there with her I actually love the time I am spending with her but I really miss being with my family in my own house with my own pets and not her really cute but insane dog Casey. I love Mom more now than I ever have I am grateful for her help I can never repay her for what she is doing for me on an every day basis. Everyone says thats what Mom's are for but not everyone is a lucky as I am to have her do what she has done. Her life has been everyday Doctors appointments and hospitals and sickness and I appreciate that more than she knows. Everybody elses lives are normal with a moment or two of helping me through but her life is like mine completely consumed with Cancer and all the fun stuff that goes along with it. I still have a long road ahead of me but it hopefully will get easier now that the first chemo is done and the one I am on now is more liveable. I am eager to get back to living my normal life. One thing really bothering me now is that I think the Taxol the chemo I am on now for the next 6 weeks is making me lose my eyebrows and eyelashes which makes me sad. You really don't realize how different you look without eyebrows they are so expressive and really make you look like you. I haven't lost them completely yet but they are really thinning and the lashes are almost gone on the bottom lid and thinning on the top. It seems more upsetting to me than losing my hair because it changes my face and that is me my face is me. I hope it comes back fast. I also cant wait till I can have sushi again I miss my raw fish I can eat the cooked stuff but can't have any raw stuff I get so jealous when we go to eat japanese food but I still like the eel so its not so bad. Anyway just counting the moments and hopefully my mind will stay strong with the help of my friends and family. The support is endless and it still amazes me how lucky I am.